...the first time I've wanted to go home when something bad was happening, where I knew exactly what that was. I wanted my Family. I wanted to go back to our cabins. But when I got out, when I first got out, there was nothing to go back to. And it felt like...I was stupid for ever wanting that. There's always going to be someone to take it away. Someone who decides not to come back.
Even though it turned out that death doesn't stick, it could have, and I would've been back to almost nothing. No matter how well anyone means, or how much they love me, that's what would've happened. And I can't just â I know they really want me to see them like home like that, but it's hard when it's gone wrong every time I've tried.
...yeah. I do. Val said something the other day about how I should know they'd always come back for me, and how important he thinks I've gotta be to everyone, and I kind of freaked out a little. I didn't mean to. But he made it sound like such a given, and I couldn't â
I just...don't want to get stuck in the past because of something bad happening. Something terrible happened. Bad things happen to everyone, though, especially around here. They're going to keep happening. But there's also really good stuff too, and I want to be able to appreciate that.
'Zactly. Bad stuff is just gonna keep pilin' up if ya let it. Ya can't let it overshadow all the good stuff that's gonna happenin' an' keep happenin', too.
Don't blame you. I was lucky enough that she stopped by to laugh at me specifically. Before we had to do any wedding or beheading, I mean. Though she probably got a kick out of my dead body too.
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[ hesitates ]
...the first time I've wanted to go home when something bad was happening, where I knew exactly what that was. I wanted my Family. I wanted to go back to our cabins. But when I got out, when I first got out, there was nothing to go back to. And it felt like...I was stupid for ever wanting that. There's always going to be someone to take it away. Someone who decides not to come back.
Even though it turned out that death doesn't stick, it could have, and I would've been back to almost nothing. No matter how well anyone means, or how much they love me, that's what would've happened. And I can't just â I know they really want me to see them like home like that, but it's hard when it's gone wrong every time I've tried.
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D'ya still feel that way?
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[ makes an annoyed sound at himself ]
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[ pauses to think about that ]
...I mean, besides something like what I'm doing right now. Trying to look at it till it gets less scary. Or I understand it better.
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Lot of shit's gonna try interfere with it. Understandin' this all will make it easier to accept it when it does.
Yer already on the right path for that to happen. Just acknowledgin' it at all is a big step. I hope ya know that.
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You think so?
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Ya didn't. Must've missed that, what with everythin' goin' on.
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[makes a face when the curse slips out]
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Easy prey? Can't say she didn't get under my skin.
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